Top 5 Reasons Men File for Divorce

Top 5 Reasons Men File for Divorce Top 5 Reasons Men File for Divorce

Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women but what about the other thirty percent of divorces? What makes men leave? Avvo attorney Kelly Chang Rickert gives us 5 of the most common reasons.

1.  Unsatisfied with Spouse

A controlling wife is often to blame for husband’s walking out — especially if that controlling comes in the form of nagging, yelling, and withholding sex. Men need love, not another mother to make them clean up their socks and ditch their guys nights for chick flicks. Quick tip? Let him help with the home decor, and give him regular time to enjoy his own interests.

2.  Unsatisfied with Life

Welcome to the good old mid-life crisis: usually beginning around age 40, men might begin to feel an unhappiness with a life and the lifestyle that may have provided them with happiness for many years. This might include boredom with people and things they once found interesting. Feeling a need for adventure and change, and questioning their past choices, men might begin to feel anger and resentment at their wife and blame her for his feeling tied down. Unable to make decisions about where they want to go with their life, men often develop a desire for a new and passionate, intimate relationship.

Often such a crisis obviously leads to having affairs and/or a sudden desire for a career change.  The latter case can often lead to tension if the wife doesn’t support the career change, or frustration when resulting financial changes (and the new job itself) aren’t rewarding.

3.  Unsatisfied with Marriage

This one may seem redundant, but all too often a simple lack of nurturing a marriage can result in dissatisfaction. The kids, career, extended family and/or other obligations take up too much time, leaving both partners exhausted and without the time to care for their own relationship.  If you find one or both of you is over-taxed, call it to attention and see if you can make small changes in schedules and commitments to make just a little extra time dedicated to each other.

4. Wife is Unfaithful

Whether it’s for a self-esteem boost, for revenge, or to quench an unfulfilled need for intimacy, women do cheat. Men can help prevent such infidelity by showing affection (which often means doing the dishes and listening to what’s on her mind), giving her a kiss on the cheek every morning, sending a friendly “How’s your day, Honey?” message every day, or whatever suits her fancy — and it can’t hurt to ask what might make her happy!

5. Husband is Unfaithful

You’re not getting any. You want to know you’ve “still got it.” You couldn’t say “no.” Your wife let herself go. Maybe you just don’t love your wife anymore.  Whatever the rationalization, you may find yourself tempted by — or deep in — a tangled web of sneaking around, lies, and a secret life that may or may not soon set  your entire family-in-law on your tail with firearms.  If you are contemplating infidelity — or have already messed up — consider counseling, Rickert advises.  Go as a couple and as individuals, since marital problems usually stem from individual personal problems.

If any of the above are ringing a bell, don’t fear. Should you be embarking on the journey of divorce, Avvo’s lawyers are here to help with legal guides, answers to your questions, and articles specifically for divorce. Avvo also offers vital guidance during every stage of the process in the Avvo Divorce Survival Guide Series.

The Divorce Survival Guide Ch. 1When you know the basics about divorce law, you can make better decisions — and potentially save yourself (and your family) time, money, and emotional stress. Written in simple, concise language by divorce law experts, this 3-part survival guide series is for women or men who are considering divorce, currently going through a divorce, or working to move on positively after a divorce. Check out the first part of the series here.

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  1. 1

    Spot on Tommy. Me thinks Kelly Chang Rickert has very few male clients and has taken many to the cleaners.

  2. 2

    Am I missing something? Mid-life crisis, the wife let herself go, she actually asks you to help clean, he wants to know if he still has it, etc. These are all poor excuses to cheat and/or divorce. News flash, we all get old and we all have our ups and downs. This is a part of marriage, but you make it seem like it’s a reason for men to divorce. Women need love too, not a man to tell her what to do every second of the day. Women also need time to enjoy their lives and interests. Sound familiar? All the reasons you pointed out could easily apply to women in a marriage too. If anything you wrote is true, it’s time for men to man up and realize that they’re not always the perfect either; especially if they’re cheating because the wife asked them to help with the dishes.

  3. 3

    I agree with Tommy, Katie and Theodore. It is rather misandric. The part that jumped out at me is “…a tangled web of sneaking around, lies, and a secret life that may or may not soon set your entire family-in-law on your tail with firearms.” Hmmm – none of that homicidal threat language is used toward the cheating wife. Why is that? After all, maybe the husband was justified, because it was “for a self-esteem boost, for revenge, or to quench an unfulfilled need for intimacy.” The wife could certainly use a few tips on how to keep her man satisfied – don’t you agree?

  4. 4

    Im no writer, but I clearly got the same impression from this article that Tommy did. Maybe a man should be writing articles about why men file for divorce, that would make more sense.

  5. 5

    Tommy, I absolutely see your point, and I think it speaks very highly of the writer that she acknowledged it and didn’t just make excuses, that’s very rare and shows true humility.
    I’m very lucky to have to an amazing husband and a good marriage, but my first marriage was aweful, and I know so many people who are not happy so have heard each of these complaints, but to be honest most of things that bother me the most are things I’ve seen countless women do, like constantly complaining about their husband (sometimes right in front of him even) or talking about men like they are so dumb as a whole. I won’t read many women’s magazines because they just make men sound so horrible or stupid, it’s sad to me. My husband helps out around the house, takes great care of our son, and has no problem expressing how he feels. I know how lucky I am, and I appreciate him so much, I try to make sure I am working just as hard, not just around the house, but in our marriage, and make sure he is happy in return. It absolutely takes both people, I put in just as much effort the first time, but now I have someone who appreciates and returns it and (sorry for my long ramblings!) but I think that’s all a good marriage is, two people willing to work on it day after day and not letting that love lessen. Thanks for putting up with my speech ; ) Overall a good article, and I appreciate you putting in the part about a women letting herself go, because most women I know would take offense but it’s part of making sure your husband is happy. You can’t make excuses for not taking care of yourself and then get mad when there are consequences.

  6. 6

    I just have to say it. Tommy, apparently you are unaware of the hundreds of thousands of articles in womens magazines that give similiar suggestions to women. That is all.

  7. 7

    I am looking for a divorce lawyer, and when I read that article, I had to speak up. If I sat down with a divorce lawyer and He/She suggested that I do more dishes and ask my spouse what I can do that makes them happy, then I would keep looking for a lawyer. As a man, I thought that might be a common reaction of other men reading this article. I was trying to help out, but I doubt that my point is being considered. I’m not trying to spark a war of the sexes. Can you not see where I see the bias? Can anyone speak about that?

    Actually I didn’t expect that my point would be ignored and my grammar to be the focus. It was really just for your benefit that I wanted to point out what I thought was biased. I see now that either you cannot see the bias, you won’t see it, or you wanted it to be biased, (perhaps you are trying to lure women who are looking for a lawyer who blames it all on men, I really couldn’t say for sure.)

    As it turns out, I’m not looking for a divorce lawyer to get a divorce, I was researching for a paper on divorce. I’ve been a widower for over 20 years. And to make an assumption based solely on my posts, I think that is a bit unfair. I could say that Kris is a misandrist based on the one line posted above, but that would be just as cheap.

    I’ve finished my research, and I doubt I’ll be posting anything else here. Good luck in whatever it is you’re trying to do here.

  8. 8

    I’m guessing Tommy is single.

  9. 9

    I have to agree that my sentence structure is terrible. Sorry, that comment at the end wasn’t meant to be an insult. I was trying to point out the different styles because I’m not sure which style you were writing in. What style were you writing in? I couldn’t tell because you don’t seem to have much in the way of direct quotes. Did Rickert just give you the top five reasons and the rest is your input? Regardless, the reason I posted was to point out the glaring bias. Not at all sure who was actually making the biased suggestions, sorry for the confusion. If you target audience is men, the biased comments might be counterproductive.

  10. 10

    Tommy, regarding journalism and objectivity, I appreciate your idealism. :)

  11. 11

    Nice comeback, Ms. Walters. Good article. Tommy has a point, but then he got all snarky by dissing creative writers as if they aren’t capable of writing objectively. I am a creator with a bar card, by the way. Keep up the good work! :)

  12. 12

    Tommy —

    You’re absolutely right: The suggestions of counseling and trying to meet your partner’s needs obviously apply no matter who is being unfaithful in the marriage. Our main intent here is to point out the main reasons men file for divorce; we have also offered a few SIMPLE suggestions for men in the above situations. It does indeed take two to tango, which is why we suggest counseling as a route to help couples communicate their needs to each other — especially including, in this case, mens’ needs. Thank you for pointing this out, as we do strive to be objective in the information and suggestions we offer our readers.

    As for the personal remark directed at the writer: if you want to insult a writer, you might consider doing so with a properly-constructed sentence.

  13. 13

    This article seems to imply that men are the cause of men filing for divorce. #4 suggests if the wife is unfaithful, here are the things that men aren’t doing that make women cheat. And to think that most men who catch their spouse cheating on them could have avoided that simply by doing “whatever suits her fancy – and it can’t hurt to ask what might make her happy.”

    #5 suggests that if a man is unfaithful, then consider counseling. No pointers for the woman when her man is unfaithful? No suggestions that she do anything differently? Shouldn’t the woman ask what might make her man happy?

    creative writing differs from journalism in that there is no premise of objectivity in creative writing, that is why creative writers should stick to writing fiction, advice columnists are transparent when they are this biased, and their advice only seems valuable to those who share that bias.

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